Addict

Good Afternoon, 
My free verse poem today is not a complaint, a criticism nor a judgemental finger. I offer it to to all those who have been a victim of someone else's addiction. 
I was a very young woman when I was involved in the ramifications of someone else's addiction. Yes it shaped me in a fashion and yes at the time I had no understanding of how torturous addiction can be for the sufferer. However, now as an adult and a more worldly person. I offer those memories to you. In the hope that others will know they are not alone. Seek the support that is there for them and stand united against any addiction. 
All my love Helen.


Addict

When it is absent, I feel the void,
A small empty ache at first.
In the beginning I am strong with-out you. 
Then the thoughts roll in…
And on their backs come the doubts.

There is a nagging in me causing this want.
To be swiftly followed by rantings,
Outbursts of such grandeur, anything else pales.
Next the accusations and then the fight.
Arguments with no conclusion bar one!

I leave, storming away to avoid the reactive?
I leave, to calm my mind and reflect?
I leave, to think on my apologies?
I leave, to save you from me?
I leave to DRINK

Simple in my needs, but complex in my reasons. 
I blame you, the kids, your nagging, 
My work, the pressure, the socialising need.
Though I know in my heart the reasons. 
I wrap them up in excuses.

I should be able to say it.
But those words play in my head and choke my throat.
So I wash them down with my nectar,
To sooth my throat and numb my mind.
My weakness has taken hold of me.


In my lucidity I am strong for a time. 
Just one to stave off the shakes!
For steadying my hand!
Just the one today - until Friday!
One leads to two, two leads to three.

That leads to my guilt,
which flows through my tears. 

By Helen Stallard
June 11, 2014